So it Ends...or 'So it Begins'

Well, I have to apologize for not getting all the posts accomplished last week like I'd hoped to. But if there is one lesson to be learned it is to go with the flow because nothing, no nothing goes right the first time in Haiti and learning to adapt to that is part of the excitement. I am planning to still fill-in for all the missing days, it just may have to be this next week while in Ft Lauderdale...no promises but I sure will try.

So I am currently in Port au Prince back at the orphanage before leaving again oh too soon. Yesterday I was blessed by the opportunity to spend all afternoon and all evening with the kids and hope to do the same today. Time goes so by so fast and just when you think you've run out of energy it's almost miraculous how it seems to be replenished.

Note* The two younger children in the photo are Johnell and Maralee. These two have come to mean so much to me during my two weeks here at the orphanage. Of course you love all the kids but there are always those ones who just find a distincly special place in your heart. Johnell with his funny and and affectionate personality and lil' Miss Maralee who sees me coming from half the complex away and just starts beeming.

The older girl in the other photo, Krystal, actually just came back yesterday after having been gone for the past three weeks. I met her the first day I was here and we became friends but then she had to go to get fitted for a prostetic leg from the knee down. We were so excited to see one another yesterday and she just couldn't wait to show me her news. It was awesome to see the smile on her face.

I Left My Heart in Petit Paradise (part2)

I fell in love with the people of Petit Paradise almost instantly and the children that surrounded you constantly, quickly found their way to my heart. Our group did a medical clinic in the church, medical clinic hut-to-hut, children's VBS, and women's Bible study over a two day span. Looking at all the villages in hindsight, Petit was definitely at the top with the most malnourishment even though the village is now part of a meal program for the school children. The biggest plea from people there was, "muen graw goo" (I'm hungry) and this was also the village where the babies were sitting in the dirt eating pebbles and dirt. Automatically we pulled out whatever we had in our backpacks and removed the rocks and replaced it with granola. This was a sight that I too shall never forget. Why are children on one continent obese and the others are left to eat dirt to make themselves 'feel full'? Even when some of the toddlers made their way over to get some of this granola the first thing that they would do was give their first bite to the younger babies...we are talking 3 and 4 year-olds! You would never see that kind of selflessness, love, and sacrifice back home, much less from such little ones. If the same scenario were presented to American children you would see the opposite demonstrated, there would definitely be fighting and an unwillingness to share. I was blown away by this as were some of my group members. I think that this little gesture says an enormous amount about the camaraderie in Haitian culture. To me this simple yet profound act carried out between babes could teach the world a much needed lesson. I have seen this same selfless behavior more times than I can count throughout this trip, and to me it says, "We are in this together" and that they truly are living out what many of us only proclaim in church on Sundays. To treat one another as we would want to be treated...ring any bells? So often our actions speak much louder than our lives so polluted with words. Throughout my life this has always been something I have replayed in my head, "Preach the gospel at all times and if necessary, use words."(St Augustine?)I am not sure if it has done me any good but it still serves as a constant reminder none-the-less. I love that statement because it really makes one put their life under the microscope and realize just how often we are falling short in thought and deed. Seeing such acts of love from such small children really was enough to bring you to tears and humble you beyond what you thought possible.

How is it that one can fall so madly in-love with a group of people and so quickly? I cannot even begin to express what it was like to say goodbye to everyone there, especially the children. All of their faces will forever reside on my heart and in my mind. You could hear them calling your name and waving as we drove out of sight into the distance and literally I could feel my heart breaking. There is no doubt that a piece of my heart shall always reside there in that petite village that really was so much more than paradise.

"'Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: " I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'" (Matthew 18:1-4)

I Left My Heart in Petit Paradise (part 1)

It is absolutely amazing when I look back at all the things that God has shown me over the course of this journey and as I reflect on the early days it will really put things into perspective as my travels in Haiti draw to a close. Now my entries from here on out may appear a little out of order because I really would like to share all that I missed out blogging about from my village travels. I have been journaling for the past two days to catch up as well but have so much more to write about...and yet there will still be things that I forget to mention.

So while the journey to the NordQuest was an experience all on its own, that I shall write about on a different day, I wish to share Petit Paradise for now.

So the name could be a bit misleading as the bit of countryside where Petit paradise is located is anything but paradise. It was desert land inhabited by primarily cacti and dirt, and if were not for all of the people that I met there I probably would have suggested they change their name. But the people of Petit were what made it paradise.

As we arrived in the in the big Mack truck the children came running out of their huts with excitement. Yes, I said huts. You could just see the joy all over their faces and their shouts were so very different than the shouts(I will share in a later post of the PAP encounter)we received in Port au Prince and other areas. It was genuine love and acceptance from the second they saw us driving down that treacherous dusty mountainside. When driving up and approaching Petit Paradise one could see some 15 to 20 huts off in the distance. This sight is enough to make one have to do not only a double take but more like a quadruple take. What? Do they really live in the huts like we've only ever seen on the History Channel??? How can this be? Once you pinch yourself and come to realize that your are indeed still on the same planet that you had departed from less than 24 hours prior, you are just left there in amazement. We unloaded all of the supplies and trekked up the steep hill to where the church building was located and it was not long before what seemed like the whole village had also made their way up the hill. The people were intrigued by us but were very warm and welcoming. The people of Petit all had a certain genuineness that I can not even begin to describe. The closest parallel that I can make is by relating them to my little brother, Max, who has down syndrome. This is a very difficult thing to try to relay to anyone who has no experience with special needs kids but I shall try to just the same. The thing that both of them have in common is this 'innocence.' It's almost as if they are both untainted by the ways of this world. Max and the people of Petit see you, they love you, and they accept you for no other reason other than that you are you. As I was sharing with one of my Christian brothers from Atlanta the other day, they love you because you are there, no manipulation or strings attached. In our world there are so often ulterior motives in our relationships and in our interactions with one another. For example, we befriend someone because we think it will benefit us or our career in some way because of what they can do for us, not because we appreciate the person for who they are. Why have we become so self-absorbed? It is interesting to note that in our materialistic world, it is what we own that that we allow to drive us. we think that the more we own, the better off and happier we'll be. What's wrong with this ideal? We need to stop lying to ourselves because if that were the case then we as 'Americans' should be the happiest and most fulfilled people, at least according to the above standard,right? Why is it that so many people in America suffer from depression, thoughts of suicide and overall dissatisfaction? And yet in Haiti, yes, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, the country that just lost hundreds of thousands of people in a massive earthquake, and the country with more people out of work and out of homes than one could imagine, suicide is unheard of? I have had Haitian brothers share that suicide is just not something that crosses peoples' minds because they are used to making the most of a crummy situation. God has been sharing with me through my daily devotions on adversity. "By means of their suffering, [God] rescues those who suffer. For he gets their attention through adversity." (Job 36:15) In my devotional, it also stated that it is in our difficult times that we learn more about God than when we are coasting right along through the easy times. So though it may be a difficult thing to do it is in these times that we should be rejoicing. Laughing when the world says we should be crying and really just being a testament to all that God has done for us though we are so undeserving.

Don't tell God how big your problems are...tell your problems how big your God is.
(anonymous)

Cap Haitian Relaxation

So we were up early this morning preparing for my flight to Cap Haitian, ready to leave by 6am, and if you are at all familiar with Haiti and the Haitian concept of time you know that there really is not one. And if there is a possibility that something could go wrong, it will be sure to do that at the last minute. So two of the vehicles refused to start right when we were needing to leave this morning. And before I had spent time in Haiti this would have had me stressing but after having now spent three weeks in Haiti, one learns to adopt the laid back Haitian attitude. I really hope that this is something that sticks with me because it is much better and much healthier than stressing out over every little thing. It really and truly does take a lot to get a Haitian individual stressed out. To cut that story short, I did make it to the airport with plenty of time to spare and flew to Cap Haitian on the smallest plane ever! Sara's(my dear friend) dad was there to greet me when I arrived and I must say I am staying at what most be the most beautiful place in all of Haiti, the Mont Joli Hotel. Sara's father manages the Mont Joli hotel and has made me to feel like I was part of the family from the moment I arrived. It is what one might classify a resort...I think they might even have hot water! And it is the weirdest thing to have air conditioning, honestly I think I now prefer no air conditioning after having gone all this time without it. I must also admit that moving from a mission mindset to more of a tourist mindset has and continues to be a very difficult transition.

I have already made some new friends from Tennessee here at the hotel. They too invited me to join their medical group for this week but the timing as far as flight coordination did not allow for it. We did however walk the streets of Cap Haitian today on our way to the Hospital(to fill prescriptions for those in the pediatric ward) and it really was an experience in itself. Most of the time in Port au Prince I have been in the back of a truck as we traveled but to be actually walking and interacting with the people around town was really neat. Hospitals here in Haiti are so different than those back home. If you are fortunate enough to have access to one of the few hospitals in Haiti, when you arrive you are placed in a big room with all the other patients and when the doctor treats you they write out a prescription though they know that most of the people will not be able to have that prescription filled. This aspect is not all that different than healthcare at home but for most of the people here, insurance of any kind is unheard of. Which in turn brings up the point, why go at all? What if it were not for people like this who answered God's call to serve and help the people that find themselves in such a bind? It is just unfathomable to me to see God work in such amazing ways. There are over 40,000 missionaries currently serving in Haiti! How can anyone even doubt that we serve a powerful God? What else can explain so many people uniting and sacraficing to such a degree? I continue to be amazed at how God is working and ministering to His people in Haiti. "We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God-those whom He has called according to His plan." (Romans 8:28) I pray that He continues to call people to serve and minister to the suffering Haitian people so that they might come out of this tragedy stronger than ever and rooted in His Word and His promises.

Above is a photo of my room here in OCap and the view from my window...gorgeous!

Recap in OCap

So after having to flee the children's prayer service with flu-like symptoms and a bit concerned that I might have contracted Malaria, I had to call it an early night and tell the girls in the clinic that I was going to pass on our nightly card games. Though this being sick bit I have just had to continue trusting, knowing that He will not give me more than I can handle. Though I would be lying if I didn't admit that I am a little bummed that this is how I am spending my last day before I leave for Cap Haitian(aka OCap) tomorrow morning. But it was the strangest thing, not strange when you know God is in the mix, but when I went to the airport yesteday to buy my ticket something made me change my return date to Port au Prince to a day earlier than I'd originally planned. So I guess I will be able to make up to the kids for today before I return to the states next Saturday.

As this next week could not possibly be as jammed packed as these past few have been, what I hope to be able to do is to backtrack just a little. For any of you that might be interested, I have made it my goal to return to the first phase of my journey and blog for each of the days at the villages when I was unable to blog the first time around. I have been deliberating over this these past couple days as to if there would even be an interest there. I have come to the conclusion that there were just so many things that would be left out if I did not. I also thought that with the assistance of the thousands of photos I might be able to look back and reflect. I also thought that this might also help me gain some closure for what has been the most unforgetable month of my life. Stay tuned for more.

Note* These are two of the children I've bonded with here at the orphanage. Funa is the little girl who has plates put in her leg. She is just about the cuttest little girl and she is one of the ones trying to teach me to (jwe kats) play cards at night. The other little one is Gino and refers to everyone as 'hey you' which I now answer to...so it seems as though I have acquired yet another nickname!

With Child-like Faith

So today and yesterday were both days of catching up from the emotional drain of the previous couple of weeks. I have been spending most of my time around the orphanage waiting for the kids' school day to be finished. Today I went with three of the people who help run
this orphanage to visit another orphanage that was up in the mountains. It was about a three hour drive each way but had some of the most gorgeous views I've seen yet. It absolutely amazes me that throughout this journey I have seen some of the most awe inspiring pieces of countryside coupled with the most heartwrenching scenes and living conditions. It certainly has been a lot to absorb...to say the least.

One of the things I have come to appreciate the most is the children's nightly prayer service. The first time I went I had children hanging all over me, all of which by the end of service had fallen asleep and were limp in my arms. It was pretty comical because I was trying desperately not to drop anyone or let anyone slip off the bench. I have since learned to limit myself to only a couple that I know I can handle. None-the-less it is one of my absolute favorite memories because you can tell that these children trust you without reserve. They often will check to make sure that you have your arm all the way around them and if it is not, you better believe they will grab hold of your hand and wrap it all the way around to their little bellies. It must contribute to the sense of security and desire to feel loved that we all so desperately want and need, even if we try to conceal it. Why is it that we so often feel the need to cover up this deep rooted desire? Is it because we are afraid to show weakness of any kind? Why do we think that we can handle so many things all on our own? These little ones have taught me so much through such simple means. We too should share in this child-like faith, trusting without reservations and
turning to Him without hesitation for that so sought after desire to be loved. If the children can do this why is it so difficult for us? Why does He have to continually remind us of such simple concepts? Tonight my prayer is simply stated in that all of us might return to the mindset of children when it comes to our relationship with our Heavenly Father, our refuge.

While I still am uncertain as to why God has me here now, I do know that He has been teaching me a lot along the way.

I wish I was a doctor who could heal all the injured people of Haiti. I wish I was an engineer who could rebuild and restructure Haiti
to prevent further catastrophies for the Haitian people. I wish I was a counselor so I could help heal all the brokenhearted and defeated people in Haiti...but I'm not. God has really been revealing a ton to me regarding this very subject. We of course all have our different talents and that whatever they might be they should be used to glorify Him. This whole trip I have struggled with this tremendously, feeling myself a bit defeated because I was not doing more... me behind my silly camera. I guess it has just taken me a while to realize the importance of that role too. As I have been working through the book of Romans this week, this verse really seemed applicable. "But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who fomed it, 'Why have you made me like this?'"(Romans 9:20)


*Note: Top photo is of a little boy along the roadside on our way up the mountain this morning.

Feeling Overwhelmed

I have met and bonded with so many people over the past couple weeks only to say goodbye to each and every one of them. I must admit I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and perhaps emotionally exhausted. It has just been an "off-day" today because of it. I have been helping with yet another medical group from Ohio for the past two days assisting mainly with crowd control, which I never realized what a difficult role that was until recently. Many of the people that come to the clinics have not seen a doctor in years, if ever. With that said and understandably so, they are very determined and some might say agressive when it comes to these clinics.

Everyday that passes I fall a little bit more in love with all these children at the orphanage. The kids now look for me in the evening for our routine soccer match and a few of the other little ones cling on to you for dear life and just want for you to hold them. I cannot remember the last time I fed and rocked a baby to sleep...oh how sweet it is...the past couple nights I have had that opportunity. So many of the children, especially the special needs kids have that smile that can absolutely melt your heart. I can already tell that it is going to be painful when it comes time to leave.

Photo of baby Maralee and myself. She is believed to be between 3 and 4 years old.

Photo of four of the boys who were having fun with my camera today after today's clinic in Calabash, Haiti.

Subtle Reminders

Though the reality may be sad in and of itself there is also so much to be thankful for. So much beauty still left in the world and we must never neglect to make time to sit in awe of His beauty that surrounds us. To make time for something as simple and yet as powerful as a sunset. I would also like to just make note that often it can take bringing a person, or in this instance, a nation to it's breaking point in order for it's people to fix their minds and heart on Him. Though the rest of the world around us may be in shambles we have a rock, a source of stability that reaches far beyond any man-made sense of security. Is that not worth so much more.

One of our translators and myself toured a school the other day and when a group of teenagers were asked why they were so happy, they responded with, "because we are still alive."--May we all adopt this same mentality so that we never miss a door that God may be opening right before our eyes.

“But will God indeed dwell on the earth? Behold, heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain you; how much less this house that I have built! (1 Kings 8:27)

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands." (Acts 17:24)

Reality of Haiti

I certainly do not want for my posts to be focused on the negative aspects of Haiti but just wanted to share briefly about the reality of the situation. There are UN troops stationed on everywhere likely with the "keeping the peace" aim.

Since rainy season has now arrived, the sad tents made of sheets as shown above are simply not cutting it. As one can imagine the rain just spews into these individuals homes providing absolutely no protection from the elements. And if a family is fortunate enough to have a tarp or water resistant material for a shelter they now have to worry about the ground beneath them washing away.

There are more buildings destroyed than one could have imagined. All the media coverage did not emphasize exactly how far reaching this destruction was. Builings were cracked and destroyed not only in Port au Prince but even the surrounding rural areas...no one was untouched in some form or another especially considering Port au Prince is the whole nation's hub for all activity. Every so many feet there are piles of rubble and every so many feet a building completely collapsed. The part that I cannot seem to get out of my head is that these building remnants are grave sites to so many. There is no doubt that due to the way the builings crumbled there must be thousands whose bodies were and never will be uncovered.

Last Day of Clinic

So my third degree burns(ok, maybe only 2nd) have finally set in from last week's 10+ hour truck drive back into Port au Prince. You've never felt the sun beating down on you until you have had that experience in Haiti. So I just came back from spending the evening with the Miami group who is preparing to leave on Sunday. I still cannot believe that yet another team will now have come and went already. Today was the last day of clinic and we saw over 250 people collectively. This village was set East of Port au Prince and again today we encountered quite a few malnurished children, little ones who barely had the energy to wake from their sleeping. We can give their mothers a supply of food but it will
only last so long. Scabies was another huge plague for this village.

It is difficult to see another group preparing to return home because you sort of become attached after spending so much time together. But it will all work out because that just means I should have that much more time to spend getting to know the children here. Tonight was awesome I got to play a little soccer with three of the older kids, Castella, David, and Jeremy (not the one from the other day's post). Boys won, atleast until the soon to be rematch. I will say playing in a skirt definitely made it more challenging. Oh and my former basketball skills are so not what they used to be as evident from yesterday's face off. Stay tuned for more on the sports front! For those of you that know me, you know that this is right up my alley. All I need now is to get a volleyball match in the works! But the kids here are awesome I am finally getting to know a few of them. It was difficult at first because there are about a hundred and fifteen kids at this orphanage and it was quite overwhelming at first. I can't wait to spend more time here!!! I will try to get some photos of these kids up soon.

I cannot wait to share all of these photos with you all when I get home! I have met so many amazing and interesting people along this journey whose faces I shall never forget. The photo I have posted with today's entry is a portrait of a sweet little lady from Tuesday's clinic who really knew how to work the camera. This photo is by far one of my favorites from the trip thus far.

Oh and I forgot to share my close call incident from yesteday. I found a computer to which I could connect my camera and my external harddrive (to backup all 3000 photos asap) to and one memory card in particular continually was giving me the "error" "corrupt and unreadable files contained" message. I put the card back in my camera and it said "no image". My heart sank as I tried to recover my 700+ photos from the village of Tionce. And before i went to bed I thought I would try one of my other friend's Mac computers and no joke all the photos were there. Without a doubt it was miraculous and I am so thankful that I will be able to share these pictures from Tionce, the village on the beach.

Endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. - (Romans 5:4)
- May the Lord be forever building character in us no matter where life leads us.

Clinics in Port au Prince

It really says something when a bar of soap becomes one's most prized possession. Oh the simple things you learn to appreciate...from a flushing toliet instead of a hole in the ground, water from a faucet even if you still cant drink it, a bed with a pillow instead of a slab of concrete and your suitcase. The hard part to digest is that I will likely be here for a few more weeks but then I will return home, the people that I have been meeting don't have that option. This is it, this is home.

Clinic days have continued throughout most of this week. I cannot even believe that I will have been here for yet another week already. The past two weeks have flown by. Monday's clinic was in a tent city in Leogene, Tuesday's in Vil Paradise, and yesterday's was in Gressier. It is amazing how quickly word spreads that there is a clinic in town and the numbers of people flooding in are astronomical. Apart from my camera work my job this week continues to be wound care assistant. This is funny to me that i should have ended up in this category, as I have an incredibly weak stomach. I will say that God must have equiped me since I have arrived because I have not had one issue adapting. We have seen quite a lot of malnurished babies who may not survive, it's heartbreaking. It makes one feel incredibly helpless. What is the answer? Is there one?

*Note: The photos above were from yesterday's clinic in Gressier. It is funny how as soon as the "Blanc" (white people...that's what we are referred to as) come to town...the schools let out and people start coming from everywhere! The public schools in Haiti do have their children wear different uniforms for each of the schools so it is easy to differeniate who goes to which school.

Joy Amid Devastation

So I have not been spending as much time at the orphanage as I thought I would be but considering I have the next two weeks I hope to be able to later this week and most of next week. So far since I have arrived at the orphanage I have spent the last two days in the tent cities as we set up afternoon free clinics. I have made friends with a new group from a church in Miami and they have been letting me assist them with organizing their meds for the clinic and assisting with the wound care individual. I must say once again that this is an entirely new type of devastation than the type we experienced in the mountain region but interestingly enough these same people touched by devastation are amazingly happy. The Haitian people as a whole have been finding contentment despite their circumstances. They smile, laugh, and enjoy the simple things, which I find rather inspiring. So often at least in my own life, I find myself getting worked up and stressed out over trivial matters and many times let these worries dictate my days. I truly thought that I was traveling to Haiti to minister to the Haitian people...but the fact of the matter is that they are ministering to me. Just from my observation alone, they have helped me immensely to see what truly matters. Life is way too short and precious to let our situations get the best of us. I pray that God will continue to guide my every step here and even if I cannot see the big picture now, as in why He's sent me to Haiti, may His purpose be made known to me when the time is right.

*(above)Six year old, Jeremy wears the hat of a US soldier. We were surprised after yesterday's church service under the mango tree by a visit from General Keen (US Gen stationed in Haiti since the earthquake). Soldiers and Marines visited with the kids all afternoon. It really was a very special privilage to have them here.

Northwest Mountain Times

We finally arrived in Port au Prince yesterday afternoon after an extremely moving nine days
in the Northwest Mountain villages of Petite Paradise, Guinaudee, Bouchon Patriot, and Tionce. It will be very difficult to try and summarize all that I have seen and experienced since we arrived in Haiti. There has been so much laughter, so many tears, but above all the exchange of love that has been overpowering. I have fallen in love with so many of these children and people. I am absolutely blown away by the fact that these people have so little but yet so much all at the same time. It again brings up the question as to who is "richer" or "better off." They may not have all the material items that the world classifies as wealth but they have their unwaivering faith...are they not richer as far as eternity is concerned? The children in these parts are overflowing with love and are starved for not only food but affection even more so.

In Port au Prince today we drove to one of the tent cities to set up a new tent for a family and I have now seen an entirely new type of devastation. The streets of Haiti are unlike anything I have ever seen. There are thousands living in these tent villages(organized tent establishments that do receive assistance from outside sources) and cities(run by individuals with no government assistance). And one cannot help but wonder if the stench that seems to reside over this city is not the lingering smell of death after the loss of over 240,000 people in the earthquake catastrophe.

It appears as though my next step will be spending some time with the children at this orphanage some of whom were left orphaned by the quake and the others whose parents just simply can not care for them. Either way these children too are very much in need of the same love and affection. May it be my prayer that God will continue to use me however He needs and that he will continue to teach me to love like Him so that I can share that with these little ones every minute I am to be Blessed by their presence. "...Walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us..." (Ephesians 5:2)

*Note: The baby girl above along with a few other babies were eating dirt and pebbles to fill their stomachs...an image that will forever be upon my heart.